*Sigh* Here we are AGAIN, because Jessica Simpson makes it so easy to mock her…
But I simply could not let this disastrous, country-fried, “HEE-HAW” version of our beloved Wizard of Oz character go unpunished, so I have to say it: Bitch looks like Dorothy discovered a sudden fondness for Twinkies and fried coke.
1) WHAT […]
Hey, look who decided to stop snorting things so she can look normal and female for a couple of days! Well okay, as normal as you can look with those bug-eye sunglasses. I know I love to pick on her, and to be fair, she gives me plenty to work with, but she actually cleans […]
More photographic evidence to throw into the mystifying but ever-growing “What the hell is happening to Jessica Simpson” pile.
Just one question: Is “she” pre-op or post-op?
Well, hey if this whole singing/acting thing fails, she can still get work at tranny shows impersonating herself. And charging people $3 to take a picture with a faded has-been, […]
Or perhaps a victim of domestic violence?
I can’t decide, but it does remind me of that joke: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nuthin’, you already told her twice! Ah, that one never fails to make me chuckle.
Seriously, what the hell is wrong with her? Even her unflattering top, in all […]
This is just further proof that dog owners eventually begin to look like their dogs. And that Ken Paves must either hate Jessica or suck at doing hair. Or both. Isn’t the resemblance to her own dog Daisy simply astounding? They could be twins! But Daisy’s cuter.
So let me get this straight: a racy (by 1950’s schoolmarm standards) photoshoot for OK! magazine was deemed too slutty according to Jessica Simpson’s mom, but THIS is okay?
And the Simpsons still wonder why everyone always calls them dysfunctional hyprocritical sell-out, pimp-your-own-daughters-for-a-buck FREAKS. Okay, so maybe by “everyone” I mean just me, and by “always” […]
Jessica Simpson spent her 26th birthday in Cabo with her hairstylist and main gay, Ken Paves (in spite of my repeated pleas to fire him because of his repeated attempts to give her either the “rat’s nest” look, or the “matronly clown with orange hair” look.) But poor Jessica must think he’s her BFF since […]
Praise Photoshop! Jessica Simpson’s freaky torpedo boobs decided to make an uplifting appearance in Maxim’s June issue, even after that unfortunate orange incident, remember? No? Why let me refresh your memory:
And even though Maxim readers will never actually read it, Maxim decided to humor Jessica by actually interviewing her. Some of my favorite parts:
Jessica Simpson: […]
I mean, that’s why you usually do Maxim, right? Cause your career needs a boost? Jessica Simpson shows off her jiggly lady parts in Maxim’s June issue so people will start paying attention to her for something other than her amazing ability to suck at her actual “job” as a singer, actress, professional idiot, what […]
What in the name of psychedelic rainbows and unicorns is she wearing? That can’t possibly be a dress! It looks like something straight out of Mariah Carey’s deranged acid-induced dreams!!
And the tragic avocado colored sweater! Did she get cold or did she throw it on after someone snickered at how unsightly and alarming this dress […]