Britney Spears is a mean, nagging bitch
With Britney Spears out of commission due to her pregnancy, she hasn’t been able to do what she does best and attend to her regular attention whoring, paparazzi-baiting duties (you know that vain bitch won’t leave the house so people won’t see that she looks as huge as a house). But she can still do the second thing she does best: fire her staff.
Britney fired her poolboy for talking too much to her already useless and loafing husband, Kevin Federline, according to In Touch magazine.
“I was hanging out a little bit,” ex-employee Jon LaLanne told In Touch Weekly. “She came out screaming at Kevin for lying around, then looked at me like I was to blame.” The next day, LaLanne says he got a call from Spears’ people, telling him not to report for work. LaLanne, son of the famed exercise guru Jack LaLanne, also has a band, and he says he and K-Fed would talk music. But, he claims, Spears would get jealous when her hubby talked to anyone else.
“She wants Kevin on a leash,” LaLanne told the mag. “She fires everybody. I figured, ‘Why not me?’ I just didn’t expect her to be so mean.” He adds: “It’s a revolving door there. She’s not the nice person everyone thinks she is.”
What!?!?!!!? Britney Spears, not nice? Britney Spears, a mean, nagging bitch? Color me shocked, stunned and bewildered! My mind is spinning in disbelief! Surely these are all a great big pack of lies! Lies, I say! Britney is the epitome of reason, the shining example of decorum! Clearly, the poolboy was just jealous of her awesome marriage, just like those false tabloids, y’all.