Guess who bought all the “Team Jessica” shirts?
Jessica Simpson has found out the hard way that everyone is on Nick’s team instead of hers. Even more pathetic, she’s resorted to buying her own “Team Jessica” t-shirts from trendy L.A. store Kitson because nobody else will.
According to Star magazine, Jess visited the store on May 24 and plunked down $10,000 on clothes, including the tees.
“Jess saw the stack of ‘Team Nick’ T-shirts was much lower than hers,” a source tells the Star. “Nick’s T-shirts outsell hers 40 to 1. She said, ‘I’m going to wear this.’ … She was kind of sniffling, like she was going to cry.”
How sad. But I blame this–and everything else that’s wrong in her life–on Pervy Papa Joe for never teaching her how to be a big girl. So it falls to me to tell her what a big girl would do: Make your own shirts that say “Fuck Team Nick! Right, Daddy?” Trust me, they’ll sell like hotcakes. And then go sleep with every one of Nick’s friends. I promise you’ll come out looking like a real winner, Jess! Either that or a slut. But hey, everyone already thinks you are one, so no loss there. It’s a win-win!