Us Weekly looks ahead to the year 2026
Cue Conan O’Brien’s “In The Year 2000″ music…
This is why I freakin love Us Weekly. They explore silly, frivolous conjecture (because “lies” is such a harsh word) about celebrities and aren’t afraid to print it. Even if it hasn’t “allegedly” happened yet, or even been attributed to a “close friend in the celebrity’s camp” yet.
All the headlines tickle me: Zahara Jolie (probably no longer Pitt) brokers mideast peace! Kal-El Cage changes his name to Bob! Sean Preston Federline in bar brawl with mom Britney! Okay, that last one is all but guaranteed to happen, sure as Britney loves Cheetos and Red Bull.
And I must say, great job on the Suri Cruise picture. It looks like it could actually be the grown (surely test-tube created) offspring of Tom “Certifiably Insane” Cruise and Katie “I Sold My Soul” Holmes. They must have, like, NASA-level aging software technology or something.