World almost Paris-free. Almost.
In another sure sign that there is no God, the reigning queen of skanks Paris Hilton cheated death in a near electrocution accident.
Drunk as a skunk–is she ever not?–she jumped into the pool at a party and then a garden light fell into the pool, which should have fried her ass, but nooooo. What’s more is her boyfriend Stavros Niarchos (presumably also wasted), jumps in to save her, but only managed to accidentally bonk her on the head instead.
So everyone is freaking out, because by all accounts she should be dead at this point, but this drunk bitch just laughs it off, climbs out of the pool unscathed, AND THEN PROCEEDS TO DANCE ON A STRIPPER POLE FOR EVERYONE!!!
I think it’s time to rewrite the Bible and add this bitch as one of the plagues or add her as the fifth horseskank of the apocalypse or something, because clearly she’s an unholy force that WILL NEVER DIE!!!!
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