Not content to dress up as a whore for Halloween once, Lindsay Lohan did it twice. How this even counts as a Halloween costume, I don’t know, but I do know that Tim Curry worked the same outfit much better while singing how he was just a sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania.
Shockingly, K-Fed’s debut album, Playing With Fire, was met with a pretty even mixture of derision, ridicule and disinterest.
TMZ.com says he was booed on Halloween after performing only one song:
Before the first beat dropped from his new song “Privilege,” Federleezy was bombarded with jeers from the costume-clad crowd at the West Hollywood Halloween Carnival. To his credit, the ratio of haters-to-fans hovered somewhere around 50-50, with at least half the crowd actually screaming in anticipation of K-Fed’s performance.
Sure, if by “screaming in anticipation of K-Fed’s performance” you mean “paid off by K-Fed’s friends and bodyguards to cheer,” or “were really hoping Britney would make an appearance.”
In other hilariousness regarding his musical failure, Amazon.com users have been giving the album the most brutally honest, merciless tags ever. “Talentless” is of course at the top of the list, followed by “garbage,” “laughable,” “hack,” and “makes you long for the sweet release of death.”
Ironically, his lack of creativity is inspiring a surge of creativity in people’s insults against him. My favorites are “would rather eat a turd” (oh the imagery!); “gave me the runs” (TMI)’ “music for wiggers” (insightful!); “ear rape” (violent!) and the very tragic “makes baby Jesus cry.” Oh K-Fed, and so close to Christmas too.
*Sigh* Here we are AGAIN, because Jessica Simpson makes it so easy to mock her…
But I simply could not let this disastrous, country-fried, “HEE-HAW” version of our beloved Wizard of Oz character go unpunished, so I have to say it: Bitch looks like Dorothy discovered a sudden fondness for Twinkies and fried coke.
1) WHAT is up with the HAIR? Is she wearing one of her and Ken Paves’ craptacular new wigs? I am a lover of elegant bouffants, not unnaturally shellacked rat’s nests.
2) THE DRESS. Looks like Auntie Em stole Dorothy’s shoes for a night out on the town. Makes those DD’s look seriously matronly—what would creepy Papa Joe say?
3) THE SHOES. They actually are the nicest part of the outfit. But they really need a LOT more sequins and glitter to complete her drag-queen look.
Lindsay Lohan was an ’80’s aerobics instructor whore who looked like she belonged on the set of Fame or Flashdance. She clearly loves the 80’s. And being slutty.
Paris Hilton as a policewoman whore. Although “whore” is more of a constant state of being for her and the only reason I know she’s wearing a costume is the shiny badge.
Above are Hilary Duff as a gypsy whore, and her sister Haylie, in truly unoriginal copy-cat mode, as an 80’s aerobics instructor whore. Hmm, where did we see that before…?
Then there’s just the WTF type costumes.
Chris Klein as a pizza. Um, okay. And Ginnifer Goodwin (of HBO’s Big Love) just phoning it in as a witch. How they found each other for this photo op, we’ll never know. They’re not attention whores, just too boring for celebrities. I know, I know, I want it both ways, celebs can never win!
Another couple bites the dust!
The couple’s rep released a statement Monday morning to TMZ.com:
“We are saddened to announce that Reese & Ryan have decided to formally separate. They remain committed to their family and we ask that you please respect their privacy and the safety of their children at this time.”
Sources tell TMZ Witherspoon has contacted celebrity divorce lawyer Robert Kaufman, who has represented Jennifer Aniston, Roseanne and Lisa Marie Presley.
Sources say Witherspoon spoke with Kaufman about divorcing Ryan Phillippe, her husband of seven years. The couple has two children. They met at Witherspoon’s 21st birthday party.
As for why Witherspoon contacted Kaufman, we’re told it was not triggered by one event. Rather, one connected source says it was “cumulative.”
Divorce papers have not yet been filed.
Well they sure as hell will be soon, judging by the stone-cold, stiff body language in that picture up there of the two of them at the recent movie premiere of Ryan’s film Flags of Our Fathers.
Rumors have long swirled about Ryan 1) being jealous of Reese’s super-successful career and 2) having had some gay romps on the side. Not to mention that some gossip mills say that it was due to his having an affair with waitresses in Canada while filming a movie there.
I think it was a combination of her being a cold, controlling and condescending bitch, him being a horny bastard and maybe just a little bit gay sometimes.
Oh well, so long to this “Golden Couple,” they did okay given that 7 years is a pretty good run in Hollywood.
*UPDATE: An entertainment writer witnessed them having a huge fight the night the picture above was taken. They knew they were divorcing even then. Sad stuff.
TMZ.com reported that Nicole Richie passed out at Hyde nightclub in Hollywood early Sunday morning.
We’re told it occurred just before 2 a.m., when Richie passed out and fell to the floor. An employee approached Richie and her friends and said he was calling 911. Sources say they told the employee not to make the call and that they would take Richie to a hospital. The friends then carried Richie out of the club through the back door. TMZ does not know if Richie went to the hospital.
…Before Richie collapsed, we’re told she hung out for awhile with Lindsay Lohan inside the club…Richie’s rep tells TMZ her client was at Hyde for approximately 20 minutes but denies that she collapsed.
Yes, well these things tend to happen when your meals consist exclusively of cocaine. What can you say, ana is as ana does.
No seriously, bitch better straighten her stuff out if she wants to get off the Celebrity Deathwatch list. Although her friend up there might beat her to it–homegirl is looking like she’s got one foot in the grave already.
EAT, SILLY BITCHES, A SAMMITCH WON’T HURTCHA!
It’s pretty pathetic when people can’t even be bothered to hate you because you’re so irrelevant, they just don’t care.
New Yorkers have sent that message loud and clear to Kevin Federline via flat-lining ticket sales to his gig promoting his new album, Playing With Fire, according to The New York Post’s Page Six:
SHOCKINGLY enough, no one in New York wants to hear Kevin Federline rap. Our spies at Webster Hall say that so few $20 tickets have been sold for Federline’s Nov. 4 show that “we may just cancel it. New Yorkers are clearly not fans of ‘Popozao’ [Federline’s pathetic first single].” Britney Spears‘ hubby - who claims he is the most underrated person in Hollywood - should be used to rejection by now. We hear his Cleveland show was also canceled due to lack of interest.
America, I’m so very, very proud of you for making your voice heard and rejecting the mediocre crap that this talent-free assclown is trying to pass off as entertainment.
It’s okay, K-Fed. Not everyone is cut out to be an entertainer or a worthwhile human being. Hey, cheer up, I’ll still give you $20 to let me punch you in those over-worked babymakers of yours…that’s right, and don’t let anyone tell you you’re worth anything less.
Never believe it’s not so!
Lindsay Lohan had a crack-tastic Saturday night/Sunday morning, by the looks of this TMZ.com report:
At 6:45 am, a TMZ spy spotted Lindsay at Olive and Sunset in Hollywood, near a dog park. Lindsay was sitting in her parked black Cadillac Escalade and our spy, who was walking his dog, could see Lohan through the tinted windows, “freaking out” and talking on her phone.
Then, Lohan called our spy over and told him that two men in a silver Toyota 4Runner — parked behind her — had been following her for the last two hours, trying to “hit” her vehicle. Our spy reports that “she seemed out of it,” that it appeared she’d been out all night, and that she’d clearly been crying, with mascara running down her face. “I’ve called the cops,” said Lindsay of her alleged pursuers. “But the cops can’t catch them.”
What Lindsay didn’t even realize in her reduced state was that the two men in the Toyota were actually paparazzi. Our spy saw them snapping away. And, he says, as their vehicle started to creep up on Lindsay’s Escalade, she shifted into drive, hit the gas and took off. The paparazzi followed her.
An email sent to her rep was not immediately returned.
Because her rep is trying to figure out how to best spin this textbook display of junkie paranoia into something TOTALLY NOT DRUG-RELATED AT ALL.
Mmm-hmmm. That explains her outfiits lately too.
All the banana-skirt shaking in the world ain’t gonna getcha that ring, B.
What’s a couple of million to a supersuccessful rapper if it means you can avoid buying an engagement ring, right?
The New York Post reports that Jay-Z gifted Beyonce with a Jean Michel Basquiat painting that cost “a couple of mil.”
Back. The Fuck. Up.
Let me explain something to all you thick-headed, tiny-eared, goofy-looking rappers out there who think you’re so smooth and pimp. If I were Beyonce and my mega-successful rapper boyfriend of several years came home with a gift for me that was worth a couple of million dollars and it’s NOT an engagement ring or a small island, you know what my reaction would be?
“AW HELL TO THA NO!” and my martini on his lap. And possibly a stiletto through the painting, if I really didn’t feel like saving the drama for my mama.
I mean, I like art and all, but A PAINTING!!??!? There is no bigger, more insulting way of saying you’ll do anything to avoid marrying the girl, no dollar amount is too great. Besides, Beyonce can barely read, how much do you think she’s really appreciating the intrinsic artistic value of a damn painting?!?!
Mr. Britney Spears, aka Kevin Federline, has shared his thoughts with Entertainment Weekly and People magazines on topics ranging from buying Britney’s tampons, to being widely hated by the public, to his aspiring rap career.
“I used to be embarrassed to go to the store and buy tampons, but that’s all past tense,” Federline told EW. “Once you make it through that, then you’re good.”
See? TAMPON BUYING=TRUE LOVE.
When asked to name the most underrated performer in his field, K-Fed paused for about 12 seconds then replied: “Me.”
Right. Or maybe he’s “underrated” because he just sucks. But still, he likes to keep it real.
“If you want to hate me, cool, hate me,” Federline, 28, tells PEOPLE in its new issue. “You know why? Because all it’s going to do is help me.”
Crap, he’s smarter than he looks. At least he understands the nature of his appeal: the public loves to hate him. It’s just that we hate him because we perceive him as a golddigging, parasitic, untalented, useless, lazy, ALWAYS high, pregnant baby-momma-leaving for a hotter ho, disconcertingly fertile JACKASS with delusions of grandeur. Someone should clue him in on how that doesn’t always translate to album sales.